My heart was ripped out long ago and put back incorrectly..

Causing me to confuse like with lust, lust with love, and love with everything so wrong.

We came together and as you worked on my heart I worked on your everything else.

Through your eyes shined curiosity and your touches and kisses infested my entire soul with comfort.

I enjoyed being lost and refused to question if you were truly lost in me too.

I believed that it was a higher force guiding you on how to operate on me..

I believed it when you’d wipe the warm streams of loneliness from my face. I believed something was showing us how to love.

It was love and Love couldn’t see.

I stare at the placid face covering you. Waiting for everything to seem okay. I was always lost in you, and because I cant find you, I’m lost in a body that’s not mine wondering how to care for what stares back at me in the mirror.

Legally I can’t ask you. Legally I can’t have your touch give me my normal dose of energy. The legalities are set to keep me physically safe from you but that’s now the least of my worries.
I just want my mind and crooked heart to be kept from the fantasy of our memories.

My heart has been open and closed routinely to bereavement.

Lost. Lost myself. Lost love to an illness. Lost love to domestic abuse. Lost myself. Lost.

My heart has been ripped out again, and this time not all of it was put back. Hate is what I’m consisted of now. Though I will always love you so deeply, I will never forgive you. You took me on an emotional ride to fill YOUR void, fill YOUR happiness, fill YOUR pockets, and feed YOUR ego. It all became clear that one afternoon…

I hope to find serenity and tranquility through familiar friendly voices. I hope to find physical protection with the legalities. I hope to find myself in the woman who stares back at me in the mirror.