Some people say, “But I didn’t do anything.”

And to that I say… EXACTLY.

Not doing anything is doing something when the moment clearly called for accountability, or restraint, or simply walking away. Also sometimes, the doing shows up quietly through projection, persistence, entitlement, or the inability to let someone exist without your interference.

There’s this dangerous belief floating around that if your intent was pure, the impact couldn’t possibly be harmful. But hey friend, let me tell you, that’s not how the world (or people) work. You can mean well and still be out of line. You can be hurt and still be hurting someone else. You can want closure and still be violating someone’s boundary. You can believe you’re being gentle and still be pushing your presence where it’s not wanted.

If someone blocks every avenue for you to reach them, the message isn’t subtle. It’s a full sentence. A paragraph. A novel. Respect it. Don’t subscribe to their new chapters, hoping to edit the ending. Don’t reappear years later, uninvited, and call it love. That’s not love. That’s disruption disguised as devotion.

And then there are the people who refuse to believe your words! Who need a scavenger hunt of proof before they trust you, and even then, they still might not. They twist coincidences into conspiracies, intuition into obsession, and curiosity into surveillance. When someone’s version of connection involves digging through the digital dirt, waiting for a “gotcha” moment… that’s not love either. That’s fear. That’s control. That’s trauma pretending to be “instinct”.

Here’s what I know for sure:

Words matter. They carry weight, history, and intention. I studied them. I respect them. I use them carefully, even when others try to muffle them with false narratives. But actions matter too… especially the ones that cross boundaries in the name of affection, or punishment, or perceived justice.

We all deserve relationships (romantic, familial, platonic) that honor our peace, our privacy, and our permission.

Anything else is performance.

So no, you didn’t “do nothing.”

You dismissed. You inserted. You assumed. You stayed too long in a place you were asked to leave, quietly or otherwise.

To anyone who sees themselves in these words… do better.

To anyone who’s been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, remember to keep your boundaries sharp and your heart soft. You’re not wrong for choosing yourself. Even when others refuse to understand why.

If you’re somewhere in between, just trying to figure out if your “care” is coming across as control then… pause. Ask. Reflect. Then release.

Because healing doesn’t come from forcing doors back open.

It comes from learning to close your own with grace.