May 15th, 2012
“Mommy, can you tell me a couple of your favorite things?”

I sat patiently next to your loud oxygen tank waiting for movement, sound, or anything. You spent the next five minutes trying to position your body to face me.

I started again, “How about flowers? What is you favorite flower?”

In between your wheezing I heard you announce “Rose”. I was so excited to hear you speak that I went crazy! I started asking you all kinds of questions about what makes you happy. Your big, beautiful eyes slowly scanned the room, then back to me. You did it a few more times, and I laughed in admiration and agreement.

Without words, you just revealed that all the things that make you happy are right here in this room of your house. Your beautiful plants that were blossoming… Obi (my brother) who kept flashing you his award winning smile as he held a conversation over the phone on the couch beside you… Blessing (my sister) who was running around frantically preparing for…you know…. The palm tree décor that you had placed all over the house to remind us of the type of environment that you love… and the peace, love and happiness that filled the walls and empty spaces of the room.

Unknowingly, you gave me the idea for the tattoo I planned for after school that day. I knew you wouldn’t allow it, but I blame the people around at that time that put me in a rebellious phase… I had to fight alongside you.

While you were battling an incurable disease, I was battling angry, stressed out people, which constantly blamed MY neediness for the decline of your health.

I just wanted to honor you in a big way. I see now that the large tattoo that covers the majority of my thigh was a bit unnecessary…

That night though… after I came home from the tattoo parlor, it felt like EVERYBODY in town was standing there in our home.

All I wanted that night was to be beside you, and maybe sleep in that hospital bed with you all night. For months I refused to spend my nights down there because I HATED seeing you like that… but tonight there was something inside me that wouldn’t allow me to leave you.

May 16th, 2012 (the next day)

Hours later, I kept turning over and changing positions in my cold, concrete bed. For the first time in years I just couldn’t get comfortable because of an intense feeling in my stomach that something was wrong.

As soon as I pried my eyes open and peeled my bed sheet covers off of my body the sound of a knock on my door caught my attention.

I peeked at my clock as it read “5:38” in the morning and was wondering what my sister could possibly want from me this early in the morning. I decided to ignore her plead to enter my room for miscellaneous reasons. It was too early for me to hold a conversation, and for the past eight months that she had moved back into our mother’s house with us, we have not been getting along.

I flopped back onto my bed with the intentions of falling back asleep but something in my mind and stomach just wasn’t right.

For the second time I got up and dragged myself out of bed and headed to open my bedroom door. I could hear my sister running up the stair towards my direction.

I had assumed she was running up the stairs to pick another argument with me but was greeted with a blank stare behind her placid
face.

Before I could open my mouth she softly said that our mother had not woken up this morning and had passed away in her sleep…

2 years later (May 16th, 2014)

You see… I used to be horribly spoiled and thought that money grew on trees.

I used to love hard though. I was young and SMART, but so very naive.

I loved my life back then, and had such a strict mama!

I can’t tell you how many “dirty slaps” (whooping’s) or stern looks I was given when I got out of line. Mom would always take my phone, clothes, or something away when my grades slipped. She’d even drive her car all the way to my friends house just to honk her precious car horn and chew me up in front of everybody.

She was hard on me, but she loved me like no other. She ALWAYS told me, “Nobody can ever love you like I do Nne Nne” (meaning “Grandmother” in our language, since she would always explain to me that i was a reincarnation of HER grandma Jenny).

Anyways, she’s right. I’ve been looking and expecting to receive that deep love from people that I know are incapable of treating me as my mother did.

I’m not the only one who has lost both parents; there are situations out there worse than mine. I can’t fathom what others go through.

I just want to take some time out to remember all my angels (my mother, my father, and all my loved ones).

Learn to appreciate what you do have and don’t take it for granted… memories are nice but they are not as sweet as the real thing.

Rest in perfect peace my beautiful angel. Today i honor you by sporting your favorite dark lipstick, your classy colorful jacket, your small dainty gold watch, and your favorite perfume by Estee Lauder named “Beautiful”.